Not long ago, when I had a freshman in college and a sophomore in high school, the reality of becoming an empty nester was looming. I had no idea what living in an empty nest would be like. After years of stay-at-home-mothering, filled with action-packed days and nights, grocery shopping, school volunteering, chauffeuring, and laundry, I imagined that a clean, quiet, empty nest would be devastating. Because messy and noisy means the kids are still home and I’m still needed.
Like many moms I relied on the advice and shared experiences of other moms. Those that have been there before me and left me a path to follow, or at least a light, so I wouldn’t get lost. But most of my friends had children the same age or younger – it was the blind leading the blind and we were all crying in our salads. What was I to do?
I went to the internet. I’m pretty sure I googled something like “OMG, I’m going to be an empty nester, now what?!” That’s when I came across my very first “mom blog.” I’ve got to admit her post was very depressing. Much like mine would have been had I posted the first week of my child leaving for college too. (I did write one, the tear streaked copy is sitting on my desk. One day…)
So I kept looking and found a few posts that conveyed the bitter and the sweet of kids going off to college, and the realities of college life. Some warned me what it would be like, some comforted me by reassuring me I would be ok, and some gave me hope for the endless possibilities for the new life I could create. I felt better having a sense of what to expect and knowing that the best part of my life wasn’t over. Maybe you will too.
Here are some wonderful posts by moms who have walked the walk. Enjoy, learn, and take comfort in that you’re not alone.
- Flown Away, Left Behind by Anna Quindlen
- The Long Goodbye by Old Tweener
- Empty Nest’s Silver Lining by Grown and Flown
- How To Send Your Son Off To College by Lisa Belkin
- 4 Things They Never Tell You About Empty Nest Syndrome by Shelley Emling, Huffington Post
- Six Tips For Adjusting To Your Child Going To College by Empty House, Full Mind
And my latest empty nest post: How To Survive And Thrive In Your New Empty Nest
Do you have a story you’d like to share?
Ahhhh…Thank you so much. It is so dreaded and it is a bit sad, but during the college years they are still home about half the year. Anna Quindlen says that the empty nest does not really start until your youngest child graduates college. But I can tell already…it will be just fine. Biggest surprise? The technology keeps them in such close contact.
Thank you Linda! There’s no bigger change in a parent’s life – except the day their child is born – than the day they have all left home. So honored to be included on this list!
It would be really hard to imagine an empty nest, but also very rewarding that the kids are growing up!
I have to admit when I dropped my daughter off at college I cried all the way home. From Colorado to California, thinking I would never see her again. A bit dramatic, I know. But it felt so strange and sad. Then she dropped out after a year, moved closer, went back to school, got married, had children and now lives in walking distance from me. And some days, I have to admit, it seems a bit too close!
I love, LOVE this list! We all seem to process this change in a different way…but the underlying feeling resonate between us all. Thank you for including me!
I can’t even begin to comprehend this day…I’m still sobbing at Kindergarten drop-off every day! Ok, not every day, but still. First grade freaks me out and I’m trying to convince Liam to stay four forever. And, of course, who doesn’t love Sherri?!?!
Truth be told my life didn’t start until my son was born. A former latchkey child of divorce, I was so determined to break the cycle and give my son the best start in life.
I gave up my career, we moved to a smaller community and the rest his history. I was entrusted with this beautiful child and My only goal was to give him the best start in life. The instability of my own childhood was a blueprint of what didn’t work well in my life.
When my son graduated from high school he had just turned 18 and I was 39! I was so preoccupied with his pending future It was hard to think about mine.
I didn’t want my son to see me sad because I was grateful and happy for him. The 1st year was the hardest. We are close and even closer now. He thriving and I’m navigating my way back to me again!
The funny stories and memories of a raising my son keep me laughing and smiling. Even though my job duties have changed my heart still works full time!
Great site and so grateful I found it!
Cheers
~Lg
There is nothing more important to me than my children. I began to freak out a couple of years before my youngest child was due to leave for college. I met with a career counselor and considered several different options before I decided upon marketing classes to prepare for the next stage of my life.
Before I knew it, the day arrived. Both kids were gone, and guess what? Everything was fine. More than fine. (Please don’t tell my kids this, though).
I love when my kids come home to visit and I enjoy getting back to my own routine and schedule when they leave. Ladies, trust me when I tell you that being an empty nester comes with more benefits than you expect!
Thanks for this post, Linda. My son is a sophomore in college. I remember my cousin giving me a book about learning to like the empty nest. It didn’t help a bit. The women who wrote these posts were more effective. Thanks for this wonderful post.
Thanks for including the piece that Autumn wrote in this amazing post. I just starting crying again.
Let’s have lunch……..better yet a cocktail. XO
Great post! My oldest is leaving for college this fall and I’m beside myself.
My kids are still little. I can’t imagine letting them go one day.
Our oldest in a high school junior. I’m dreading the day she leaves. Hold my hand.
Hi there!
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Lovely writing, Linda. I look forward to the day you post that ‘tear-stained’ empty-nest draft. I bet it’s good stuff. 🙂
My kids are still little but I know when I was in college I rarely brought laundry home I came home to re up on food and money bumb laundry lol
I’ll be an empty nester in four short months. Good to know I can turn to CG, et. al, for support!
I imagine the whole “empty nest” thing is so bitter sweet. Get a tiny taste of it when they go to summer camp, but knowing they’re coming home and life with a house full of kids will continue changes things. Definitely not ready for this – or even to face it! Yikes! But a great post. thanks for leaving a light so I can find my way….:)
In our pre preschool class this week our teacher discussed enjoying every moment. Her daughter is 19 and she said if she had one million dollars, she would gladly pay it for one hour with her daughter as a three year old. We are fortunate to have all of this time now, but in a blink of an eye we will be in your shoes. It’s hard to fathom but glad to know others have blazed the trail before us and we will be ale to do it. Thanks for sharing!
Oh my… I simply can’t even go there yet. My kids are nine and seven years old. I know you will somehow learn to adjust to a new life of YOU and it will be an empowering blessing!! (Tear soaked you… but YOU) 🙂
Hi, Linda, and thanks for sharing our post! It’s coming up to empty nest season (as of Friday, ulp!) and I need to reread all our sage wisdom to one another, to remind myself that I really do enjoy empty nesting. Most days, that is. 🙂
A year before she graduated high school, when it hit me that my firstborn daughter would soon be leaving home for college, a frantic urgency overwhelmed me. I knew she wasn’t ready.
Even though she still had a few months left at home, I knew it was too late to fill the gaps in my parenting. She had stopped listening. And I didn’t want to spend her last year at home fighting.
I bit my tongue and collected the advice I thought she would need. Then, when she left for college, I put it in a good-bye letter and threatened to publish it on her Facebook page.
She actually appreciated it — and challenged me to turn the letter into a book. (When your kids challenge you, well . . . no way to say no to that.) So just in time for my second and last daughter to graduate, the book is being published.
I would so appreciate the support of empty nest moms and blogger friends on this journey. Watch for the book this March: Do Your Laundry or You’ll Die Alone; Advice Your Mom Would Give if She Thought You Were Listening.
So this is the way I’m coping with the looming empty nest – by creating and expressing. I think that is what we are here for. And it’s more fun with friends!
Becky Blades
A year before she graduated high school, when it hit me that my firstborn daughter would soon be leaving home for college, a frantic urgency overwhelmed me. I knew she wasn’t ready.
Even though she still had a few months left at home, I knew it was too late to fill the gaps in my parenting. She had stopped listening. And I didn’t want to spend her last year at home fighting.
I bit my tongue and collected the advice I thought she would need. Then, when she left for college, I put it in a good-bye letter and threatened to publish it on her Facebook page.
She actually appreciated it — and challenged me to turn the letter into a book. (When your kids challenge you, well . . . no way to say no to that.) So just in time for my second and last daughter to graduate, the book is being published.
I would so appreciate the support of empty nest moms and blogger friends on this journey. Watch for the book this March: Do Your Laundry or You’ll Die Alone; Advice Your Mom Would Give if She Thought You Were Listening.
So this is the way I’m coping with the looming empty nest – by creating and expressing. I think that is what we are here for. And it’s more fun with friends!
Becky Blades