I was at a dinner party recently, chatting up a small group of men and women, all of us around the same age, when someone made a joke about aging. My ears perked and I blurted that I had turned The Big 5-O.
They were stunned. Sadly, not for the reason I had hoped. A “No way! Seriously? I thought you were 35!” would have been nice, (a girl can dream…), but what I heard was equally shocking.
One of the men leaned in, like talking to a naive child, and said, “You should never EVER share your age.” The rest agreed. My first thought was to blame it on the wine, though my glass was full, or claim to have holiday-seasonal-social Tourette’s. (I have used this tactic before. Successfully.) I smiled. My lip twitched.
Apparently, aging is a bad thing. Admitting it is even worse.
Anyone can tell from looking at me in my party dress that I didn’t just come from prom, but putting a number on it is like the kiss of death. People know you’re older than 40, they just don’t want to know by how much.
When told she didn’t look her age, Gloria Steinem declared, “This is what forty looks like!”
Aging, for most women, is a liability after a certain point. Our wisdom is valued, sadly, the rings around our tree-trunks are not. Men get more distinguished looking and we become, well, crones. Just look at Hollywood to see how this plays out. Women fight aging so hard that most of the women over 40 or 50 don’t look like they age at all. In fact, I’m quite sure JLo is going backwards. It’s just not fair.
Being told you look good for your age is like getting kissed and slapped at the same time. (If you are a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey, you might like this.) Let it sink in a moment – you’re getting complimented that you don’t look old, because, let’s face it – you are.
Aging gracefully is my goal. Besides, I’m scared of knives and I’d rather save my money for sushi and wine and nice handbags. The best thing I do to fight looking “old” is dying my hair -without it I would look like Cruella Deville. Avoiding being seen in direct sunlight is also a good strategy, but hard to pull off. Walking fast enough to create a blur works too. It’s all smoke and mirrors, baby.
[Tweet “You are denying your very existence by trying to lie about your age. – Oprah Winfrey”]
I’m not going to lie and tell you that turning 50 was easy, it wasn’t. At least not at first. I dreaded it like I dread flying on airplanes. Waking up in a panic everyday for the month before the big launch day arrives. My reaction surprised me. For years I thought I would ring in my 50th year with great fan fare, or at least a disco ball.
Leaving my 40’s felt like I was losing something I once had, or, more closely, like falling off a cliff. All of a sudden any double-digit number beginning with a 4 or less seemed young. So incredibly young. Almost infantile. But then my birthday passed. And within a month or so I forgot that I was half-a-century year old. Or that I am supposed to become invisible to men. (FYI, that didn’t happen. I hope it never does.)
“It would help not to treat age as if it were any less of a pleasure than it was when were six and saying, ‘I’m six and a half.’ We could be saying, ‘I’m fifty and a half’ and say it with joy.” – Gloria Steinem
I was thrilled when I heard the next Bond Girl is Italian beauty, Monica Bellucci, who also happens to be -wait for it- 50! The internet was flooded with posts from the media, clearly the producers of the sexy Bond adventure had lost their mind when they cast a mature woman in a role that has always been filled by young smooth-skinned nubile creatures. Every tweet or Facebook status dying to know if we thought Ms. Bellucci was too old to be considered sexy?
I mean, really, 50 and sexy, is that even possible?
When I asked my Facebook friends to share their thoughts, a few said Monica Bellucci and Daniel Craig were both too old. In my humble opinion, I think they should get their eyesight checked. To me, sexy doesn’t look just one way. It’s not always what’s all smooth and tight. Certainly, looks get my attention. But, for me, what holds it and what’s most sexy begins between the ears.
Now that I’m over the stigma and (others) devastation of admitting my age, being this age doesn’t feel old. It doesn’t feel like anything, really. I still feel like I did twenty or thirty years ago, plus a few aches and pains. I know one thing, I will never lie about my age. If I’m lucky enough to be on the receiving end of a compliment, I’ll accept it gladly. Besides, my ego could never recover from the sting of fibbing and receiving an eye-roll.
So tell me, do you lie about your age?
I’ve never lied about my age, except when i was trying to buy beer in high school LOL. I mean, what’s the point? As far as I’m concerned we’re only getting better in more ways than not. Though I do seriously hate having to wear glasses all the time.
I was single in my fifties when I met my forever man. I was hesitant to tell him I was five years older, but when he found out he didn’t care. It’s really silly to worry about age.
I LOVE this and yes I lie about my age. But in my industry if people know the truth I’m screwed.
No way I lie about my age. Yes we lose a little smooth and tight, but we gain a little smooth and tight too. Our interesting stories and our life experiences can be incredibly sexy if we’ve gained wisdom and grown from them. I don’t want to go back. I plan to move forward with more confidence than ever. And then there’s always our incredible girlfriends!!! *smile*
I never lie about my age–I actually preface many conversations with, “I’m 60 and…” I announced it in a presentation I was giving a couple of weeks ago. I own it proudly-gray hair, sags and all. I would have given that man a gentle slam down if it had been me.
I think that by standing up proudly and setting the example that aging isn’t the worst thing on the planet, we work to help changes minds and attitudes.
I haven’t lied about my age since I was trying to buy alcohol as a teenager! I’m take me as I am kind of girl!
I’ll be 46 in May and I never lie about my age unless I say I am older.
I play basketball with a bunch of guys in their twenties and thirties and sometimes I tease the young guys by saying at guy who is almost 60 beat them.
Anyway, I really believe it is a state of mind. If I worked hard enough I might get my college waist back but my face won’t ever look like that boy again and I am cool with it.
I worked hard to become the man I am now.
Never! I wear my age like a badge of honor. I speak regularly and it’s one of the things I mention in my intro. Mostly because there is such a horrible stigma attached to 61. It’s so wrong!!
I love being 63 and all the wisdom that comes with it. I once lost a beau when I was 40 lying about my age as he was 10 yrs younger. LOL
I never felt the necessity to lie about my age and I still don’t. I used to love going to the booth at local carnivals where they have to guess your age — won a prize every time.
We can sing this one in harmony: “…what’s most sexy begins between the ears.” No kidding! How I value myself and those that matter in my life is one of the biggest shifts in my perspective as the years flew by — it is our brains and our conversations and the laughter we share. Another wonderful post!
I most certainly do NOT lie about my age. I’ll be turning 50 this year and I’m actually quite proud of the way I look. When we lie about our age it just feeds into the notion that it’s not okay to be aging.
I actually had someone tell me that if I was going to tell my blog readers that I am 61 (which I do often) that I needed to let my hair go gray and I needed to look over 60! They said I would get more attention from brands if I looked my actual age! I have never lied about it and I do not believe I need to change my appearance to look the way the rest of world might think a sixty something should look. The types of comments and a story like yours just baffle me.
I actually went on the Today Show to talk about an essay I’d written about turning 60. So I not only don’t lie about my age, but I told 5 million people how old I was. So I’m with you.
I don’t lie about my age (61). Sure, I kvetch about some of the crap that comes along with getting older, but I’m honestly grateful to have made it this far. As Popeye says, “I am what I am.”
I don’t lie about my age when asked in person but I consciously go out of my way to not have it online – for a reason that may surprise you. Identity theft is at an all time high. Birth date is one of the factors that give criminals a piece of the puzzle that make your identity that much easier to breach. Since many of us get lots of birthday greetings on Facebook, I highly recommend keeping the year private and not letting everyone how old you are. As such, I delete any comments that reference my age in well meaning (I think) comments on my page.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! 🙂
I never lie about my age either. I’m 61. My voice sounds like I’m 8 years old so I don’t really worry about it much. I still can’t believe I’m actually 61. It’s alarming if I think about it so I don’t. I’m 30 in my mind.
I love this post! It really struck a cord with me for many reasons. I too and in my 50’s and folks are always telling me “how great I look for my age”. For my age, there is the kicker. I just shrug it off and say thanks. I once told my age to a classroom full of adults I was teaching. They were shocked I should reveal such a thing! I was proud and didn’t give a hoot – no booze was involved either lol. I don’t care what others say, I’m happy to still look good at my ages…yes. And, I’ve never dyed my hair…good genes I guess…had to get something good from the mix considering all the crappy ones lol. Seriously though, always post…really got my goat!
I have never lied about my age and I too have gotten some crazy looks.
Turning 50 was so tramatic for me but I have never been happier. I turned 57 yesterday and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
Loving all of these comments. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Do I lie about my age? Oh yeah, big time! 😉
But I think having purple hair at this stage of my life, just proves I’m going through a mid-life crisis!
For me, my life kind of began in my forties (meaning that’s when I met my husband and had my daughter), so I haven’t minded growing older too much. As the mom of a 5 year old, I don’t talk about my age.
I don’t lie about my age (I just turned 40), but my grandmother and her sisters kept shaving years off until well into their 80’s… and at that point everybody just took it as a joke. I do believe that aging gracefully should be anybody’s goal. When I see what Uma Thurman and Renee Zellwegger had done to themselves I just shudder.
I have never lied about my age. I’m proud to be running around, having fun, at 56. My weight is an entirely different story 🙂
I haven’t visited you here in way too long! The aging thing– ugh . . . so, I’m 38 and already in my circles the conversations are about botox and whatnot. I can already see how much it’s going to take to keep up my desire NOT to succumb to it all. It’s an odd sensation when it seems like everyone else around me is determined to stay frozen at a certain age. There’s also the newer non-surgical treatments for “fat melting” etc and I swear I have friends doing that stuff, too. Can’t we all just make pact to save the time and money and age together? Sigh.
If I were going to lie, I would say I was 70. I look DAMN good for 70. 😉 But in all seriousness, great post. Ellen
I don’t lie about my age (54 1/2!), and I love surprising people when they hear my age. Personally turning 45 has been the hardest when I had to accept that I was probably past the half way mark of my life. 50 was a breeze, I had my 1st book published, lost 55 lbs. and celebrated with 3 fun trips. I think the men who told you not to share your age are the ones with a problem. Aging gracefully is great fun!
I don’t lie about my age.. But admit I do hope to get a shocked reaction when I do tell.
Nope, wouldn’t lie. But then I’m not in a business that revears youth. I feel I’m lucky to be 74. Too many never had the gift of reaching that age.
Great blog post!
I feel like you become a better person — or more of the person you were meant to be — the older you get. If someone directly asks my age, I’ll tell them, but otherwise, have decided to be “over 50” for the rest of my life…
My FIL died at 49 from ALS and my MIL was killed in a car wreck at 56. I guarantee you both of them would gladly jump from their graves at the opportunity to know their grandchildren! So lie about my age? Hell no. I’d rather celebrate every birthday, wrinkles and all, then not.
I love this so much. I turned 50 this year. (And also never lie about my age.) Like you, I feel the same as I did 20 years ago (except for those aches and pains you also mentioned)! 🙂
But I will admit that it sounds weird to say, “I’m 50.” I don’t think other people who are 50 are old, but it sounds like older than I should be. I guess because I still feel so young. But still, I wear this new decade (and with any luck several decades after) with pride, as a badge of honor. I’m 50 dammit, and I’m fabulous!
Hi,
I’ve just stumbled upon your blog. I didn’t lie about my age until now but I think given the circumstances I’ll have to start doing it soon:) xx Abby