Applying to college isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s exciting. It’s nerve-wracking. And, I’m not gonna to lie, we left nothing to chance.
We were clearly not in charge, nor did we want to be, but we were team players in this big game. There are some parents who let their kids run with the ball and, rightfully so, pat themselves on the back that their kids did the entire process themselves. I am jealous, because they probably had a life and went out on school nights and maybe even drank wine. (Of course, I jest, as I would not change one moment of the thrills and spills of this ride.)
It’s a big deal…
This is too big a deal to take a laissez-faire attitude and let a 17 or 18-year-old call all the shots. Yes, their opinion matters most, after all, they are the ones going to college, but it is important for a parent to be there to bounce ideas off of and make sure i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed. This isn’t one of those teachable moments where we just let them fail and learn from it, or rely completely on the counselor. The stakes are too high. Besides, there is plenty of time for that. It’s called life. And, well, grad school. (My son applied to law school all on his own and did quite well. Yes, we’re kvelling.)
Parents and students would be smart to learn all they can in the college process. (After going through this process twice my husband could open up a consulting business!) There are books or many online resources which are free. There is no reason not to be informed. If your school offers college counseling or you are fortunate to be able to obtain your own, make the most of your time with them. Sit down with your child and have them create a list of questions. Most high school college counselors are good, however, they have many students to look after and may not be as focused on your child as you are.
You have options…
Many parents and students don’t even know how many options they have when applying. There’s Early Decision 1, Early Decision 2 (at some schools), Early Action, Single-Choice Early Action, and Regular. Seriously, it sounds like a Starbucks menu. Overworked counselors may not remember to tell you everything and may push you toward schools their school has ties with or away from the heavy applicant pools, so be informed to make sure your list of “reaches, 50/50’s, and likely’s” has the right schools for your child.
We loved the college tour. Clearly, some of the best moments of the entire college process, except for the acceptances! Seriously hilarious family bonding time. But try to keep your opinions to yourself and let your face reveal nothing, because a parental thumbs up or down could send them in the opposite direction. Have them write down their thoughts and feelings about each school. Later when they’re deciding whether to push the Early Decision button or as the acceptances roll in, those first thoughts will be helpful when everything seems a blur. Try to see a variety of schools (sizes, rural, city, Greek life, etc.) Ask questions, educate yourself, keep an open mind. Your child may have dreams of of being on the east coast and then fall in love with the south. It happened with one of mine.
Practice makes perfect, well, close enough…
“We” also began test prep the summer before junior year. And I say “We”, because it’s a commitment. Not just financially, but the kids need your support and guidance because who wound’t rather be hanging at the beach or watching TV, than studying. Gentle reminders, of putting in the hours are needed, before they go out. When our kids sat down for their tests they knew regardless of how they did they had done absolutely everything they could to prepare for that SAT. That they ended up doing well was just a bonus.
As parents, we also kept under the radar during senior year. I don’t want to hear about Susie’s test scores and letters of recommendations from a senator or Lady Gaga, and I’m sure neither do you. Occasionally, there may be some bragging, maybe even some grade and test score inflating, or a few people making arm chair judgments about where their kid is “for sure getting in” (rarely happens) and how your kids stats rate. Do yourself a favor: Keep your sanity and stay away from grade level gatherings.
Fly birdy, fly!
Most of all, enjoy this process. You will get closer to your child than you ever imagined, even if some of it involves hair pulling. Remember this new adventure into adulthood is a rare and exciting gift. And keep your eye on the prize…your child.
(Disclosure: This is a sponsored post for SheSpeaks on behalf of Kaplan Test Prep. I received compensation to write this post, and any opinions expressed are my own, and reflect my actual experience. #JourneytoCollege)
Good advise CG!
Thanks, Elaine!
This is great! I’ll definitely keep my opinions to myself, or else…
My daughter is 14 so it’s not too far in the future that we’ll be touring colleges.
Yes, they have a way of wanting whatever we don’t want. Keeping my mouth shut was the hardest part of the process!
I feel like it has changed so much just since I went to college. Truly a family process now! Thank you for this post! :)-Ashley
I agree, Ashley! I was pretty much on my own when applying. But, it was also easier to get into college then. There is no way I would be able to get into that same college today.Thanks for reading!
Thank goodness I’m over this stuff. But great information for those just starting on the journey. So many questions, so many roads. Yes, do your studying for your SAT’s before you go to the beach. 🙂
Thanks, Sandy! I’m happy to be past this too!
This is all so terrifying to me. Izzy’s in 9th grade and I’m just bracing myself. GREAT words of wisdom!
Great tips, Linda!
Great tips, Linda!
Great advice, Linda. It was a stressful time with all three kids but we got through it intact.
Such great advice. I don’t think any time has been more stressful for our family than the two application processes. Both kids made it through, we all survived, they’re thriving and are now actually considering grad school. Oy.
After having done this process twice, once for an academic kid and one for a performing arts kid, am glad we are done. It was so different between the two!
Best advice from your list (which was pretty complete) is to avoid grade level events. The competitive nature of the parents in both communities in which we lived (we moved after our oldest left for college but before youngest was ready to apply) was awful! I suppose it goes along with the territory in affluent communities. But it was really too much!
Great post!
Good to know the process that is needed to make it all happen. I have years to go but I will bookmark this. Of course college will probably be on Mars by the time my 5 year old is ready to go:)
Excellent advice. Been there, done that, now celebrating my children’s independence.
Thank you, Elaine. We’re not quite there yet. Must be nice!
We tried to find a balance. As I tell my friends, the best thing you can do is help your children know themselves, so they can make the best choices for themselves. My oldest applied to 6, including one out of country. One of them was our alma mater (which she didn’t want to apply to, but did for us). She was accepted to 5 and chose the out of country. My youngest applied to one, early, and was accepted early. We asked her to apply to our alma mater, feeling like she needed a back up, just in case her life changed. She refused and went to her first choice school. Now she’s not sure that was the perfect choice, but our alma mater wasn’t even a consideration. It was a really, really good choice, but it was based on her major, which changed.
Many kids question their decision, and some decide to transfer. So hard to really know where they want to be while still in high school, as so many things change.
Well, you certainly nailed it. I remember those days…they sure are stressful, aren’t they? It’s nice to be able to look back.
Yes, so glad it’s over. And so delighted to have nothing to do with grad school apps.
Perfect pieces of advice and great perspective on a process that is stressful for not just us but our kids! I am sharing this with a couple friends who in the heat of this process right now! Thanks!
Thanks, Ruth! Hope it helps.
I tweeted this good advice.
Thanks so much Carol!
Excellent advice, Linda. I found that when my three daughters were at this stage, their high school guidance counselor was the VERY best friend to have. (Homemade cookies sent in now and then set them apart from all the other kids needing guidance.) 😀
Not sure what happened to my comment that I left the other day, but with our youngest now in university, i can say I am very relieved to be done with this process. You hit the nail on the head with the whole idea of avoiding grade level events during the whole applying and then hearing back process. It is all nerve wracking enough without all the competition from other parents!
Hi, Heidi, thank you for commenting again, didn’t get your first one. Yes, total relief when the process is over! I feel sorry for parents when I hear them stressing out over senior year. It’s so hard on everyone.
Great GREAT overview and advise. I remember all of this. My son went to college exactly where he was supposed to go – had the time of his life and now he’s in grad school. So hang in there parents – it’s all worth it!
These are great tips for what is an exceptionally stressful time. I cannot believe we are now preparing to enter this stage with a second granddaughter.
Great advise. Now what do you have for how to PAY for the college. HA!
I can so relate to this – my oldest just started college, and it’s been an amazing learning experience. So happy she’s found a place that she loves!
My 17 year old’s eyes glaze over every time we discuss his future. I’m still searching for what I want to be when I grow up, so I guess I can relate!
Quite useful guidelines. Great to know the process. Applying to a college is really not an easy process to go through as A lot of details go into the process of applying to a college.